Last week's class was one that hit close to home for me personally. After the midterm that I forgot about, we had a guest speaker from the GSA on campus that told his story of how he came out. He also spoke on how gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender groups are truly one of the last groups in America to be denied fundamental rights, and how we are still treated as second class by our government and society.
The class and lecture was conducted in a very informal, relaxed way. We simply asked questions, and they were answered. I found a lot of parallels of my own life's story to our speaker's.
I had always known I was gay, ever since middle school. Yet, like our speaker, I continued to date girls because I was raised in a very religious, conservative home. I knew that my thoughts, feelings, and desired were 'wrong' and inconsistent with my mother's beliefs, yet I couldn't deny that I was attracted to other males. I remained closeted until college, at which time I felt much more comfortable with myself and came out to a select group of my friends. It wasn't long after this event that my mother overheard a conversation that I never intended for her to hear.
I had been dating another guy that I went to college with. I didn't really go out to the club because I was so scared of being 'discovered'. Because of this I met other guys online, for the most part. I was having problems with my boyfriend at the time so I was talking to a close friend of mine about it. I didn't realize my mom was home... I thought she had gone to her Wednesday evening Bible study, like she always did. I sought counsel from my friend Jen, and my mother overheard the entire conversation. She must have suspected for quite some time that I wasn't straight, but now... her suspicions were confirmed and there was nothing I could do or say to the contrary. The brawl ensued. My mother proceeded to tell me how she had failed me, not the other way around. She cried, for hours... I also received the religious speech about how I am going to burn in Hell... etc.
Our relationship became strained and was never the same again. It wasn't long after this that I moved out of my mom's house. I wasn't ready to face the world alone, financially if for no other reason, but... I had no choice. I was on my own. We didn't talk much for about two years. Once she became mentally ill though, I started to get closer to her again. It was too late, however. She is currently unable to even recognize me as her son. It's funny how now, it doesn't matter if I'm gay or straight... all that matters is that I try to be there for her. My sexual orientation means little now, as she just enjoys having someone to talk to.
Our speaker also discussed how society views homosexuality, particularly for the male, as unacceptable. It would be very hard for two men to walk down the street holding hands and displaying affection towards each other. Homosexual cannot marry in the vast majority of states and are denied many other basic rights, including health benefits. While I do not have anyone special in my life at the present time, this still affects me. I pay my taxes just like every other American and deserve the same rights as all other people. Politicians tend to use fear as a tool to ensure reelection. Regardless of the political landscape, the challenges facing homosexuals are no different than the challenges that faced civil rights era African Americans.
It is hard to be gay in America, period. Many European cultures are far more accepting and tolerant. We should take a cue from our friends there and be more progressive. It's not easy to find a partner that wants more than just a quick fling in the gay sub-culture, nor is it easy for a same-sex couple to enjoy the same basic things that their heterosexual counterparts do.
I am different than most gay men. Anyone who knows me knows this to be true. I don't get drunk every weekend, I don't do drugs, I don't live to party at the gay bar every night it is open, and I am not ‘active’ in the gay community. I also don't have a really sheek fashion sense and don't have to wear Hollister or American Eagle clothing everywhere I go. I realize not all of these stereotypes apply to every gay man... I am nevertheless, a hard-working professional who just wants to find happiness, like every other human being. The Preamble to the US Declaration of Independence reads:
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."
While the founding fathers used the word 'men', I believe that today's culture replaces the word men with 'people'. Just because someone has a different sexual orientation, or is of a sub-culture, doesn't mean that they can be denied their basic rights. While yes, I may be different, I am still an American citizen. I provide a much needed service to those in need and give freely of myself. I just wish to find a special man to share my life with and build my dreams. I ask the extreme, right-wing conservatives: What is so wrong with this desire?
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